August 27, 2023
The world’s foremost authority, Professor Irwin Corey, passed away in 2017 at age 102. Or did he? However, he bears an uncanny resemblance to someone recently in the news. The stooped posture, halting and unsteady gait, disassociated cognition, situational disorientation, and jumping from one subject to an unrelated one — these traits strongly suggest someone lately receiving plenty of media attention. This could all just be someone plagiarizing the professor’s act. Once a plagiarizer, always a plagiarizer.
Let’s play guess the speaker. Pairs of quotes below are from Professor Corey and his doppelganger. Try to determine who said what.
If we don't change direction soon, we'll end up where we're going.
During Hurricane Katrina 16 years ago, Ida was so powerful that it caused the Mississippi River literally to change direction — the flow — change the flow temporarily.
But the generic point is: There’s a lot going on, and a lot going on in hydrogen. A lot going on in other alternatives. And it’s because of you guys. And I’m not being solicitous. It really genuinely is. You think it — I know you don’t like to think about this way, but think if you all dropped out. Where the hell would we be? Not a joke.
This is merely a small indication of this vast throng gathered here to once again behold and to perceive that which has gone behind and to that which might go forward into the future . . . we've got to hurdle these obstacles. This is the main deterrent upon which we have gathered our strength and all the others who say, "What the hell did that get?" We don't know.
You can go a long way with a smile. You can go a lot farther with a smile and a gun.
You know, I love these guys who say the Second Amendment is — you know, the tree of liberty is watered with the blood of patriots. Well, if [you] want to do that, you want to work against the government, you need an F-16. You need something else than just an AR-15.
No. Look, the idea that you’re going to have — look, you got guys that are 6’8”, 340 pounds running a 4.8 40. I mean, you know, you hit somebody with that kind of force — now, that’s not what happened here. But I just think it’s a — I don’t know how you avoid it. I don’t — I think working like hell on the helmets and the concussion protocols — that all makes a lot of sense. But it’s — you know, it is dangerous. You got to just acknowledge it.
Today we must all be aware that protocol takes precedence over procedure. However you say - WHAT THE - what does this mean . . . in relation to the tabulation whereby we must once again realize that the great fiction story is now being rehearsed before our very eyes.
I know and I can really appreciate certain things but it was Yocum Ben Zakai who once said it is better to be healthy for one day than to be sick for a whole year. However it was Al Capone who once said, or was it Mayor Daley who said, you can get more with a kind word and a gun than with just a kind word. That was Mayor Daley who said that.
For so many of you at home, I want to be very clear: This is not about taking away anyone’s guns. It’s about vili- — not about vilifying gum [sic] — gun owners. In fact, we believe we should be treating responsible gun owners as an example of how every gun owner should behave.
And — and it turned out the press understandably thought that was — what the hell was I talking about?
One of the things that you’ve got to understand is that we’ve got to develop a continuity in order to relate to exacerbate those whose curiosity has not been defended, yet the information given can no longer be used as allegoric because the defendant does not use the evidence which can be substantiated by. What was the question?
This is the main deterrent upon which we have gathered our strength and all the others who say, "What the hell did that get?" - We don't know. We've got to peforce withold the loving boy... And as Miller once said in one of his great novels- what did he ... that language is only necessary when communication is endangered.
Brought unions — envir- — and enviros together. Thi- — did you ever think that would happen? But I know some — some of you got worried about me after — when — about two months, when I hadn’t announced my environmental stuff. You’re calling, “Joe, what the hell is going on?” I said, “I’m meeting with the union guys.” Because — no, I’m ser- — I’m serious, because I was convinced that if they knew what was coming, their future lay with the environmental issues. But guess what?
H.L. Mencken got it right, except for failing to predict the pedophilia:
As democracy is perfected, the office of president represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron.
Bonus quiz. Guess this speaker for extra credit:
And one of the things I would — I’m going to ask as part of the due-out of this — of this convening is that we get to all of the leaders here all the information about how small businesses that you work with, that you may run, that are in your community, know of the benefits that are available in real time. Because I really do think of it as being part of a pathway to accelerating and, in some ways, addressing what have been long-standing disparities because of inadequate access, no access to this kind of information. But those are just some — of the examples.
Well, I think culture is — it is a reflection of our moment in our time, right? And — and present culture is the way we express how we’re feeling about the moment. And — and we should always find time to express how we feel about the moment that is a reflection of joy, because every — you know, it comes in the morning. We have to find ways to also express the way we feel about the moment in terms of just having language and a connection to how people are experiencing life. And I think about it in that way, too. And we also — I think, is very important that — that leaders — anyone who considers themselves a leader — really understands how anything they say would affect a real human being, as opposed to — you know, otherwise be a poet and write poetry. But if you want to understand — I don’t mean to dismiss poetry at all. But if you want to understand any concept, you have to ask questions like, “How would this affect a child?” To have a real understanding of what it is that you’ve proposed. And culture helps us do that, because you sit down with Keke Palmer and you’re going to have a real conversation about — about a variety of issues. But I think it’s so important also just to be present. We have to be present. And in this moment, I think there’s a perversion in some ways about what it means to have strength. Some people would suggest that it is a sign of strength based on who you be at down, when I think most of us know the real sign of strength is based on who you lift up. And so, all that we can do that is about that is, I think, in preservation and in the purpose of growing our strength. We have to find ways to also express the way we feel about the moment in terms of just having language and a connection to how people are experiencing life. And I think about it in that way too.
Everyone anticipated American democracy would collapse in a corrupt oligarchy. But instead (at least on the Senate’s part) we are witnessing a decrepit gerontocracy. With former Senate alums Biden and Harris now contributing mightily to the advancement of intellectual discourse from within the other branch of government. Feinstein is under conservatorship, McConnell is fading fast, while Fetterman provides historians the unique opportunity to document America’s first pre-demented senator. On the House side, the Democrats’ rogues gallery is most recently adorned with a younger generation of dedicated public servants, including Daniel Goldman, the gift continuously giving. Joining luminaries such as Eric Fang Fang Swalwell.
To be continued . . .